This is me currently writing to you from the Cathedral, 3 months overdue for a haircut.
Thank you to those who were originally following my blog. I received a lot of compliments about my writing and it was definitely wonderful to hear. I never really consider myself to be a writer by any means, but hey, maybe it’s something I can look into later.
I’m currently writing to you from the entrance alcove of Freiburg’s lovely lady, the Münster Cathedral. Evening mass is currently taking place so the organ is blasting out of the main doors like you wouldn’t believe. The chords echoing off of the massive and decorative style walls is by far one of the most beautiful sounds in the world. I’m also menacingly giggling at all of the tourists who are discouragingly walking away from the entrance because it’s not currently opened to visitors. But I digress.
Adventures with my Tigerduck!
I figured since I’ve decided to write one last blog entry, I should give some sort of explanation to my sudden halt in sharing my experiences with all of you. Well, to put it simply, my boyfriend of 2 ½ years broke up with me. I was “semi” coping with the issue until I received my second wind of extremely fucking shitty news when I found out that he was cheating on me since my departure and is now “madly in love” with his new @#&^)*&&^@#$% (Please understand that I’ve written this bit in the shortest and nicest way possible). Not only had I been consistently lied to right to my computer screen replacement of a face, but I was left without even the smallest explanation. I had been forgotten and replaced. I could continue on this topic but obviously there’s no point. Besides, that’s not what this post is all about 🙂
Bingo Night @ O’Kellys!
I think my ex pulling the shallow card and breaking up with me while I was away was the greatest and shittiest thing he could do for me. Think about it. I was left alone on a completely different continent, what the hell could I do to salvage things? I was left to my own devices to pick up shattered pieces of whatever was left of my heart and continue on. Luckily for me, I was in a part of the world that I had no connection to him, which made it a lot easier to cope. My experiences in Freiburg were all my own. Now that it was just me by myself, it was time to finally focus on me for a change and zero in on what I want and what makes me happy in life. Honestly, I’ve never really thought about it before.
Konstaz for Jenn’s 21st
I found my happiness within the relationships that I have created here. I’ve truly met some wonderful people in Freiburg and they’ve helped me to fully open up and be myself without the crutch of a “romantic” relationship. During my time of emotional need, they were the ones who were there to make life easier. Everyone pretty much gave me the same low down, “There’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better, but I promise, with time, everything will be ok.” A few more beers and shots almost always proceeded after this statement to help me forget, lighten the mood, and enjoy each others company. We even came up with our own cheer, “Tschabalaba!” We tell everyone that it’s Luxembourgish, random people believe us, we laugh hysterically as they walk away.
It’s hard to say goodbye to wonderful people that you might not ever see again
What I learned from the relationships that I’ve established with my friends is how to be myself and to be truly happy and confident with who I am. I was free to be who I truly am because I wasn’t holding myself back anymore with the excuse of a relationship. I could finally be honest with myself. The freedom of being able to express myself allowed me to develop strong and lasting friendships that I thought I was never capable of maintaining. I was finally able to come out as bisexual and only to be loved just the same. The fact that I could be this free with my own self brought me a lot of peace. All of this took place within my entire time here, mind you. The severe sadness and anger only took a toll for a relatively short amount of time. I didn’t want to feel it anymore, so I learned to let it all go and love the life I live and the world around me. It didn’t feel like it at first, but I knew that eventually I’d be ok. I mean, that’s what faith is all about, right?
Can you tell that we’re theatre majors? It was so awesome to have Ellen around for a month 🙂
My realization about all of my international friends didn’t really hit me until the last month of the trip. Getting to know them has helped me realize that we’ve all come to Freiburg with some sort of emotional baggage. We were all coping and dealing with hurtful situations that had followed us from home. Hearing some of the personal stories that were passed around helped me to understand that, even when they went through rough times, they were able to be strong about it. With time, their pain subsided and they were able to move on in life. Sure they still have crap that brings them down from time to time, but it helped me to understand that, no matter what happens, everything really is going to be ok. It really is. As far as us contemplating the reason why life throws us these curve balls? Well, we figured that we couldn’t blame it on the sunshine, can’t blame it on the moonlight, not even on the good times. We blamed it on the boogie 😉
Oh, those summer nights.
Faith is considered to be confidence or trust in a person or thing or a belief that is not based on proof of fact. What I was hoping to gain from this trip was faith in myself. I’ve been unhappy for the longest time, constantly questioning myself, and thought that a drastic change in scenery and culture might do the trick. I’ve seen friends come back from there own study abroad trips and you can see that a part of them had changed. It was like the forced independence and initial culture shock had taken a toll on their well being in both good and not so good ways. I wanted to experience this for myself, so I willingly gave into the journey in hopes of being able to find my happiness and change for the better. I write to you today to tell you that I’ve succeeded.
I’ve made a best friend for life. I cried so much after saying “see you later” to Helen. I can’t wait until we’re reunited! Cause BABY BABY she’s, she’s my number one!
I’m ready to come home and start building stronger relationships with my friends back at Stetson like I should have been doing the whole time. I want to be a better sister and daughter to my immediate family, the ones that have put up with my crap for way too long now. I’m coming back home a new and independent me, the person I’ve always wanted to be. I can honestly say that with the mental state that I’m currently in, this is the happiest I’ve been in such a long, long, time. I’ve missed all of you terribly and I can’t wait to come home to you.
Ladies and gentleman, I’ve found my Faith in Freiburg 🙂
I didn’t say that it would be easy, I said that it would be worth it. (Yep, that’s me up there)
Keep the faith,
See you soon!